Theologian vs. Astronomer

Once Astronomer had this conversation with a theologian:

Why do theologians always get involved in technicalities arguing about predestination, infralapsarianism and supralapsarianism and all these technical tings that ordinary lay people don't understand or care about at all?

For me religion is simple, It's the golden rule, "do unto others as you wold have them do unto you".

The Theologian replied:

I think I know exactly what you are saying, because I have the same problem with you astronomers. You always are dazzling us with this technical language about exploding super novas, pulsating quasars, singularity... for me astronomy is simple, it's twinkle twinkle little star.

Going to jail ain't that easy over pirated software

Where babies come from

Ex-E.T
by Esma-Movie

High School 1957 vs 2009

by Dan Nickerson on 08/29/2009

When I posted this chain email I received in August.. I had no idea that it would generate this level of attention.
Posting non-original content is not something I teach or normally do. At the time I thought it was interesting, my list might appreciate it and it would make a good tweet.
I didn’t expect it to generate 100’s of comments and initiate debates on race, religion, sex and drugs… but it has…
I’ll keep this post up for now, but if it really digresses I’ll probably remove it..
The original author of this article created 8 extreme scenarios to highlight some differences between 1957 and 2009.
Obviously there are 1000’s of scenarios that could be created to highlight the good and bad of both generations, but this particular post was written to favor 1957.
I guess the real question is… Would you rather grow up in 1957 or 2009 and why?
Scenario 1:
Jack goes quail hunting before school and then pulls into the school parking lot with his shotgun in his truck’s gun rack.
1957 – Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack’s shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
2009 - School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.
Scenario 2:
Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.
1957 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins.. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
2009 - Police called and SWAT team arrives — they arrest both Johnny and Mark. They are both charged them with assault and both expelled even though Johnny started it.
Scenario 3:
Jeffrey will not be still in class, he disrupts other students.
1957 - Jeffrey sent to the Principal’s office and given a good paddling by the Principal. He then returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2009 – Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin. He becomes a zombie. He is then tested for ADD. The school gets extra money from the state because Jeffrey has a disability.

Scenario 4:
Billy breaks a window in his neighbor’s car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt..
1957 – Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college and becomes a successful businessman.
2009 – Billy’s dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is removed to foster care and joins a gang. The state psychologist is told by Billy’s sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy’s mom has an affair with the psychologist.
Scenario 5:

Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.
1957 – Mark shares his aspirin with the Principal out on the smoking dock.
2009 – The police are called and Mark is expelled from school for drug violations His car is then searched for drugs and weapons.
Scenario 6:
Pedro fails high school English.
1957 – Pedro goes to summer school, passes English and goes to college.
2009 - Pedro’s cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against the state school system and Pedro’s English teacher. English is then banned from core curriculum. Pedro is given his diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.
Scenario 7:
Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from the Fourth of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle and blows up a red ant bed.
1957 – Ants die.
2009 – ATF, Homeland Security and the FBI are all called. Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism. The FBI investigates his parents — and all siblings are removed from their home and all computers are confiscated. Johnny’s dad is placed on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.
Scenario 8:
Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.
1957 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2009 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison… Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy.

Prisoner flees after asking guard way out

October 02, 2009
Article from: Agence France-Presse

FORGET the knotted bed sheets or tunnel. A New York prisoner has come up with a much easier way to break out of jail: ask the guards for the exit.
The inmate, who was wearing a suit for a court appearance on charges of multiple store robberies, simply wandered out of an open cell door and into a courtroom on Wednesday, the New York Post daily reported.

There, he calmly asked a court officer "which way is out?" and the guard - mistaking the escapee for a lawyer - directed him to the lobby.

The daring jailbird went straight to his 81-year-old mother's Manhattan home to change clothes, then left, she told the Post.

"I thought he was discharged. He was all dressed up," she said.

United Breaks Gguitars

I was so happy when I heard about this guy today, because I had nothing but bad luck with United. I used them for 3 times only, the first and 2nd time they lost my luggage and broke a baby stroller, the 3rd time there was a theft from my luggage and they refused to reimburse me for the loss. Thanks God for people like this artist. There is a justice in this world. I hope United goes out of business soon.

His guitar was broken and united shoveled him around for 9 months and refused to pay him for the damage. Once he posted this video on Youtube it had instantly over 3 million hits and the company Taylor Guitars offered him two free guitars for free advertising because their sales went up, and the United Airlines also called him and offered $12,000 repair costs and the same amount in flight vouchers but he refused to accept it. Cool guy. I love him.

Exotic Mushrooms

Exotic Mushrooms may turn an ordinary man into a philosopher
Listen to how vividly this guy experiences ordinary often taken for granted little things in life, such as acoustic waves which originate in your thoughts and are generated by your vocal cords are landing on the cortex of the brain of the person to whom they were directed to. LOL This is too deep, who needs to go to school and learn something, when you can enjoy the beauty of the water drop from the tap for hours, or behold the awesomeness of the fabric thread on the couch in awe and amazement, and be assured that modern science will never attain to it. LOL

Random Act of Kindness

Random Acts of Kindness - watch more funny videos

iPhone 3G

How to open mail

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

US Border Patrol

US Border patrol brave dogs are keeping those hungry Mexican chihuahuas that would kill to work at Taco Bell, on the other side of the fence where they belong. LOL

Example of Closemindedness

This Islamic clergy from Iraq, believes that the earth is flat, based on the verse from Quaran. It proves again how stupid is the religion of Mohamed. He quotes from the
Quaran: "The breadth of Paradise is as the breadth of the heavens and the earth"
Which technically means that the size of heaven and earth are equal.

Read on how he goes to explain his point of view. This video clip is from Iraqi TV

How the TAX system works :)

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten is $100.

If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.

The fifth would pay $1.
The sixth would pay $3.
The seventh would pay $7.
The eighth would pay $12.
The ninth would pay $18.
The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.

So, that’s what they decided to do. The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve. “Since you are all such good customers,” he said, “I’m going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20.” Drinks for the ten now cost just $80.

The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free. But what about the other six men - the paying customers? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his ‘fair share?’ They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody’s share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer. So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man’s bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay.

And so:
The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings).
The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33%savings).
The seventh now pay $5 instead of $7 (28%savings).
The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).
The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings) .
The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).

Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to drink for free. But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings. “I only got a dollar out of the $20,” declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man,” but he got $10!” “Yeah, that’s right,” exclaimed the fifth man. “I only saved a dollar, too. It’s unfair that he got ten times more than I!” “That’s true!!” shouted the seventh man. “Why should he get $10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!” “Wait a minute,” yelled the first four men in unison. “We didn’t get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!” The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.
The next night the tenth man didn’t show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn’t have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill! And that, ladies and gentlemen, journalists and college professors, is how our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might start drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.

Yakko's World - a very funny video about geography

Yakkos World Video

baby panda sneeze

 

2008 Darwin awards

And this year's glorious Winner is:
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

And now, the Honorable Mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. A Texas teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer: $15.
(If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, 'Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from.'
9. The Ann Arbor Michigan News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

******THE 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER*****
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd had in a very long time.

In the interest of bettering human kind please share these with your friends and family. Unless of course one of these 10 individuals by chance is a distant relative or long lost friend.
In that case be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.